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Instant Messaging etiquette

January 30, 2012

What is the proper IM etiquette? I only ask because A has IM’d me three times now without me initiating anything first.  As I mentioned before, he pinged me out of the blue at the time when my lover and I were considering adding new people to our fantasies. Then the other day while the kids were here so I blew him off and again this weekend.  I finally told him my lover and I were not going to add anyone else. He then had the nerve to ask me if he and I could just get together. I again told him that I was in love with my lover and couldn’t be with another man. A tried to joke it off, but he was obviously fishing hoping I’d let my dysfunctional moral code drop enough to hook up with him again.

I’m shocked he would reach out once to me, much less three times. I see friends come online and I don’t ever send them an IM unless I know they approve of this method of conversation. I don’t want to interrupt their day or what they have going on and never assume they have time to chat with me. It’s the same thing with texting. I hardly ever text anyone except the ex because that’s the only form of communication he generally responds to. I’ll send an email any time I want to talk and generally that’s how people respond back to me as well.

This could also be the problem with me continuing long-distant friendships of any kind. I wait for them to approach me to talk almost 90% of the time. We’ll have a good string of conversations going, then they stop and I won’t push them further. I figure if they wanted to continue to talk to me they would reach out. So in general, all of the “friends” (female and male) that I thought I had have faded away because I don’t want to be a nuisance.

Am I old-fashioned?  Do I really need to knock before entering someones cyber space or do I just jump in? Maybe I’m upset because I don’t really have any desire to connect back with him. I tried to reach out an olive branch of friendship once I got back with my lover and ended it with him. He didn’t want that. Of course, he had taken out a personal for a fuck buddy not a friend. If he didn’t have any interest in me as a person, why would I continue to talk to him. Oh well…that’s my Monday rant.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. January 30, 2012 6:36 pm

    I hate being ‘pinged’! Unless it is urgent and need a response right this second, it’s just rude I think!

    You can IM/text anyone randomly just to see how they are and for a quick chat, don’t have to always reply instantly. Nice just to know someones thinking of you.

    In regards to not replying, I have a guy texting me atm. He text me last night and I didn’t reply. He then text me again this evening. I think I’d have waited for a reply before waiting again, I feel a bit perstered! x

  2. January 30, 2012 7:18 pm

    … I just wrote a blog post about how offended I am that he doesn’t let me see when he is online.

    • January 30, 2012 7:32 pm

      My lover and I use different email hosts so I don’t know when he’s online, but he’s always very good about emailing when he has time. That helps with my obsession🙂.

      With you both living so far apart I can understand why you’d be upset.

  3. January 31, 2012 1:18 am

    Nothing wrong with being old-fashioned, young woman!

  4. Brian permalink
    February 1, 2012 4:42 pm

    When I was in the throes of my affair, my lover & I used to email each other for most stuff. We kept texting down to a minimum and used it mostly for quickie confirmations or on the fly planning changes.
    Might also be that I’m old enough to not automatically assume that just because I have your number/email, I am free to message you when ever the mood strikes. That can get a person in trouble!

    • February 1, 2012 5:25 pm

      Exactly! I never want to intrude on the other person. The other forms of communications are just as easy and less chance of getting in the way of other things.

  5. George Moore permalink
    February 3, 2012 8:11 pm

    I think your e-etiquette is impeccable. Remember not to take it personally when someone doesn’t respond promptly. Everyone has extenuating circumstances in their lives, and that doesn’t mean they don’t want to hear from you, or talk to you.

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