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Rootless

July 29, 2016

Lately I’ve been feeling superficial, even more than usual. I don’t feel I have deep roots in any part of my life. Longevity, sure. Purpose and/or value no.

Shifts in life always makes one evaluate where they stand and what they mean in the bigger picture. And having my oldest move into adulthood had triggered this feeling somewhat. It seems more widespread than an empty nest syndrome. I’m giving myself in various areas – work, family, friends,community, but I’m not feeling fulfilled or meaningful.

Recently, I spent several days with folks who seemed to have deeper roots in the world. They were in committed relationships and involved with bigger projects that impacted more than themselves. Of course, it’s all just what I can observe from the conversations we had. Who knows, maybe they feel as directionless as I do.

I am stuck feeling envious of others. I want to take a sabbatical, I just don’t know where or to do what. I’m so far out of touch I can’t even figure out what my soul is yearning for. This is a new place for me to be so far from center that I’m scared of being swolled up by the loss. I need a sense of purpose. To be important to someone. To be valued – not for what I give, but for who I am. Perhaps I’m feeling too much like dust in the wind.

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